1. Hire a car and drive around Europe with some close friends
2. See the Scottish Castles and stay in one
3. Write and publish a novel
4. Swim in a pristinely clear lake
5. Stand under a waterfall
6. Get married and have kids (4>)
7. Own my own German Shepherd and train him and love him to bits
8. Make the perfect Creme Brule (and spell it right =P)
9. Ride a horse in a meadow
10. Smell a hundred year-old book
11. Be on a movie set
12. Sit on a float in a pool and read a book
13. Paint a beautiful landscape
14. See the Lake District
15. Drink coffee in France
16. Go to Disney World/Land
17. Sing on a stage (even if it's to an audience of one)
18. Write a song and actually like it
19. Dance in the rain
20. Have a picnic on the beach and not have the problem of sand in your food
21. Have a library like in Beauty and the Beast
22. Own all of William Shakespeare and Jane Austen in seperate books, beautifully bound (the older, the better)
It's nice to dream sometimes...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Plans
Change.
Change is everywhere.
Change is in the skies - the clouds constantly shaping with the prompting of the winds. It's in the sand which shapes every second, no single grain where it once was. It's in the seasons which grow from warm to cold and cold to warm. It's in the days - all following the same 24 hr pattern but being filled with so many different events and themes.
Change is inevitable. It's part of life, after all.
Then why is it that sometimes i fear change?
Because when i go away from home, sometimes i fear that when i go back, things will be really different. Or that when i come back from home, uni will be really different. Because i'm afraid that one day, i'll wake up and won't be able to write anymore.
Despite all my optimisms about life, sometimes i have this tingling inside that life isn't so much of an idealistic happily ever after as i always put it out to be.
We always have plans in our lives. And if you're like me, your plans will be vast and endless. I'm the kind who wants to live my life to the very fullest. I know God has given me a gift of life here in this world and every day is a gift from God and i do want to make the most of it - for Him. But i'll be lying too if i said that all my plans centred around Him, because sadly, i am only human and deep down, there are some things that i want to do for me.
But it's not like God won't bless me or "pamper" me through His plans because God is a God of goodness, love and benevolence along with holiness, justice and power. That's what's so great about God. Everything God will do for His glory but at the same time, it'll be best for the most amount of people at the best possible time. Isn't that just so comforting and incredible?
So i guess when i look back at where i was exactly a year ago, i'd say things definitely didn't go according to "plan".
I wanted to go to UNSW to do Med.
I was fully ready to be a Glue or SYG leader in Church
I was psyched to get involved in RICE as a RICE leader
I was going to write a great story and aim to get it published
Those were my plans a year ago - the middle of the year 2008.
Well, guess what happened?
I didn't get into UNSW med and am now in JCU Med, in Townsville, QLD instead.
Dad resigned from ministry and we changed churches, so i couldn't be involved in youth ministry there. But not that it would have changed anything anyway, coz i was going to move to go to uni.
I'm in Townsville, so i can't exactly be involved in RICE.
I know - my goal many years ago was to be the youngest published author ever. Publish a book at 13. Publish a book at 16. Publish a book at 18. Give up looking at an age mark.
So, things didn't exactly go according to plan. In fact, it was TOTALLY off plan. And to be honest, a lot of the time while i was IN it, i just couldn't understand why.
It's not like i WANT things from God and expect Him to follow MY plans...but what was REALLY on my mind was...God, why is it that i know some people whose every wish they have answered? I've always been doing as you want me to do, God. Putting you first, trusting in you...why can't you give me a break just for once?
I remember the days i used to assure my dad that resignation was the right decision and in my heart, know that it was true. I remember how comforted i was and really, i know that God really helped me to be selfless. Because if i were selfish, i'd have wanted to stayed...coz it was the church i grew up in and always dreamed of serving in.
I remember that day we had to farewell lunch at church. 12 solid years of ministry. Friends...no...family...all with us, talking to us, having a video of everyone saying bye to us. I remember the time it was to share about my dad and how people would thank our family so much for our ministry...and then start crying.
I remember crying as i heard how much the people appreciated my dad - knowing deep inside how much he needed it. How much God was blessing him through it. I remember the church being united that afternoon in the memories of the past decade - good memories.
I remember crying that day when liz came and hugged me and told me that she didn't want me to leave. We hugged for so long and i cried so hard...and i remember at that moment realising that this is what pastors usually did. So many of my PK friends would be constantly changing churches...as the Lord calls. I remember at that moment realising just what it means for God to call when He chooses to...and for ministry to be with the outer reaches of society and not just your comfort zone. Because it's so easy to just get so complacent with where you are that you can forget WHY you're going to church or WHY you're serving in ministry.
Sometimes, you really need a wakeup call and it's a blessing when God smacks you in the face with one...even if you don't see it as a blessing at the time.
But my point is that...then i partially wondered why it had to happen at that time. Why we had to church hop and just not be at "home" (church was like my second home, i was there so much) when my HSC was approaching. When i thought that that would be the prime of my life and i would be starting to serve more in church.
But when i look at it now, i know that God knows. It was God's perfect timing and God KNOWS!
Not only did it make it easier for me to leave home and come to uni because i wasn't in my church "home" anymore, but my parents are HAPPY. More importantly, their ministry is blossiming so beautifully and sweetly that it's so obvious that God's hand is in it all. God has been such a blessing to them and through them to the church that i just sit back and marvel in awe at God's power, might and....perfection. I thank God everyday for just being so amazing to my family.
So it wasn't my plan...but it was the best, wasn't it?
Just like my coming to JCU. Just coming here has meant that my eyes have been open to the wider society. I've been able to meet all these differnet people from different walks of life. I've been able to see the need of the people both in Australia and out of Australia - instead of being stagnant with higher-income friends in a higher-income church where the poor and disadvantaged were more words than experience.
I've been able to share the gospel to countless people and watch as God works through them and opens their eyes, in some cases. I've been able to watch my friend - my dear, beautiful friend whom i talked about God to that first week of O-week - grow to be such a beautiful woman in God being so passionate and fruitful. I've been able to do ministry - not out in the forefront as i had always kind of "planned" - but in sharing with people and just....living Christ.
That's something God has really taught me. It's so easy to talk big about those who are out there in ministry - leading RICE, doing talks, MCing meetings, leading youthgroups and all that jazz...that i found myself caught up in wanting to do those exact things and forgetting that ministry is basically following God's commandments.
And isn't sharing the gospel and living Christ just as much a ministry as standing at the front of a youth group meeting? Not that one is better than the other - it's just different ministries. But sometimes we can be so caught up in minimalising one and glorifying the other...than i can question my own motives in service.
And just doing all these things...that has been such a blessing and exponential growth curve for me. It really has.
Not only that but meeting such passionate, strong Christians who are just so excited to grow and know more about Christ. To serve Him and talk about Him all the time. It's incredible and such a blessing.
Wow. Totally not my plans, huh? And yet....so much better.
So what i may be trying to say is that i know that i have so many plans for the future and sometimes get bummed at the thought that God won't let these come to be...just like how His plans weren't concurrent with my plans in the past.
But wanting God to follow MY plans wouldn't be letting God be the GOD over my life anymore, would it? doing that would be doing the good ol' "God the genie" rather than "God the ruler over my life".
So no matter what happens in the future. No matter what changes. No matter what DOESN'T happen as i plan...
I know that it'll be a billion times better.
Why?
Because it's God's plan.
And God is a benevolent God - a God who will do everything for the best of the most people and at the best possible time...God who shall be glorified...and blesses us that He should let us be the ones who may bring glory to Him through our lives.
God, i leave my life in your hands.
Change is everywhere.
Change is in the skies - the clouds constantly shaping with the prompting of the winds. It's in the sand which shapes every second, no single grain where it once was. It's in the seasons which grow from warm to cold and cold to warm. It's in the days - all following the same 24 hr pattern but being filled with so many different events and themes.
Change is inevitable. It's part of life, after all.
Then why is it that sometimes i fear change?
Because when i go away from home, sometimes i fear that when i go back, things will be really different. Or that when i come back from home, uni will be really different. Because i'm afraid that one day, i'll wake up and won't be able to write anymore.
Despite all my optimisms about life, sometimes i have this tingling inside that life isn't so much of an idealistic happily ever after as i always put it out to be.
We always have plans in our lives. And if you're like me, your plans will be vast and endless. I'm the kind who wants to live my life to the very fullest. I know God has given me a gift of life here in this world and every day is a gift from God and i do want to make the most of it - for Him. But i'll be lying too if i said that all my plans centred around Him, because sadly, i am only human and deep down, there are some things that i want to do for me.
But it's not like God won't bless me or "pamper" me through His plans because God is a God of goodness, love and benevolence along with holiness, justice and power. That's what's so great about God. Everything God will do for His glory but at the same time, it'll be best for the most amount of people at the best possible time. Isn't that just so comforting and incredible?
So i guess when i look back at where i was exactly a year ago, i'd say things definitely didn't go according to "plan".
I wanted to go to UNSW to do Med.
I was fully ready to be a Glue or SYG leader in Church
I was psyched to get involved in RICE as a RICE leader
I was going to write a great story and aim to get it published
Those were my plans a year ago - the middle of the year 2008.
Well, guess what happened?
I didn't get into UNSW med and am now in JCU Med, in Townsville, QLD instead.
Dad resigned from ministry and we changed churches, so i couldn't be involved in youth ministry there. But not that it would have changed anything anyway, coz i was going to move to go to uni.
I'm in Townsville, so i can't exactly be involved in RICE.
I know - my goal many years ago was to be the youngest published author ever. Publish a book at 13. Publish a book at 16. Publish a book at 18. Give up looking at an age mark.
So, things didn't exactly go according to plan. In fact, it was TOTALLY off plan. And to be honest, a lot of the time while i was IN it, i just couldn't understand why.
It's not like i WANT things from God and expect Him to follow MY plans...but what was REALLY on my mind was...God, why is it that i know some people whose every wish they have answered? I've always been doing as you want me to do, God. Putting you first, trusting in you...why can't you give me a break just for once?
I remember the days i used to assure my dad that resignation was the right decision and in my heart, know that it was true. I remember how comforted i was and really, i know that God really helped me to be selfless. Because if i were selfish, i'd have wanted to stayed...coz it was the church i grew up in and always dreamed of serving in.
I remember that day we had to farewell lunch at church. 12 solid years of ministry. Friends...no...family...all with us, talking to us, having a video of everyone saying bye to us. I remember the time it was to share about my dad and how people would thank our family so much for our ministry...and then start crying.
I remember crying as i heard how much the people appreciated my dad - knowing deep inside how much he needed it. How much God was blessing him through it. I remember the church being united that afternoon in the memories of the past decade - good memories.
I remember crying that day when liz came and hugged me and told me that she didn't want me to leave. We hugged for so long and i cried so hard...and i remember at that moment realising that this is what pastors usually did. So many of my PK friends would be constantly changing churches...as the Lord calls. I remember at that moment realising just what it means for God to call when He chooses to...and for ministry to be with the outer reaches of society and not just your comfort zone. Because it's so easy to just get so complacent with where you are that you can forget WHY you're going to church or WHY you're serving in ministry.
Sometimes, you really need a wakeup call and it's a blessing when God smacks you in the face with one...even if you don't see it as a blessing at the time.
But my point is that...then i partially wondered why it had to happen at that time. Why we had to church hop and just not be at "home" (church was like my second home, i was there so much) when my HSC was approaching. When i thought that that would be the prime of my life and i would be starting to serve more in church.
But when i look at it now, i know that God knows. It was God's perfect timing and God KNOWS!
Not only did it make it easier for me to leave home and come to uni because i wasn't in my church "home" anymore, but my parents are HAPPY. More importantly, their ministry is blossiming so beautifully and sweetly that it's so obvious that God's hand is in it all. God has been such a blessing to them and through them to the church that i just sit back and marvel in awe at God's power, might and....perfection. I thank God everyday for just being so amazing to my family.
So it wasn't my plan...but it was the best, wasn't it?
Just like my coming to JCU. Just coming here has meant that my eyes have been open to the wider society. I've been able to meet all these differnet people from different walks of life. I've been able to see the need of the people both in Australia and out of Australia - instead of being stagnant with higher-income friends in a higher-income church where the poor and disadvantaged were more words than experience.
I've been able to share the gospel to countless people and watch as God works through them and opens their eyes, in some cases. I've been able to watch my friend - my dear, beautiful friend whom i talked about God to that first week of O-week - grow to be such a beautiful woman in God being so passionate and fruitful. I've been able to do ministry - not out in the forefront as i had always kind of "planned" - but in sharing with people and just....living Christ.
That's something God has really taught me. It's so easy to talk big about those who are out there in ministry - leading RICE, doing talks, MCing meetings, leading youthgroups and all that jazz...that i found myself caught up in wanting to do those exact things and forgetting that ministry is basically following God's commandments.
And isn't sharing the gospel and living Christ just as much a ministry as standing at the front of a youth group meeting? Not that one is better than the other - it's just different ministries. But sometimes we can be so caught up in minimalising one and glorifying the other...than i can question my own motives in service.
And just doing all these things...that has been such a blessing and exponential growth curve for me. It really has.
Not only that but meeting such passionate, strong Christians who are just so excited to grow and know more about Christ. To serve Him and talk about Him all the time. It's incredible and such a blessing.
Wow. Totally not my plans, huh? And yet....so much better.
So what i may be trying to say is that i know that i have so many plans for the future and sometimes get bummed at the thought that God won't let these come to be...just like how His plans weren't concurrent with my plans in the past.
But wanting God to follow MY plans wouldn't be letting God be the GOD over my life anymore, would it? doing that would be doing the good ol' "God the genie" rather than "God the ruler over my life".
So no matter what happens in the future. No matter what changes. No matter what DOESN'T happen as i plan...
I know that it'll be a billion times better.
Why?
Because it's God's plan.
And God is a benevolent God - a God who will do everything for the best of the most people and at the best possible time...God who shall be glorified...and blesses us that He should let us be the ones who may bring glory to Him through our lives.
God, i leave my life in your hands.
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